Day 39: Spivey Gap to Erwin TN

9.7 miles

Miss Janet slackpacked me and a couple guys back up the mountain, for the trek into town.

Quote of the day: Worry is like a rocking chair. You can do it a lot but you're never going to get anywhere.

It is a beautiful day today. OWL had trouble with a leaking platypus, so she got a ride down the mountain to the outfitter. A group of women section hikers started up the trail just before I did. I caught them pretty easy and enjoyed talking with them for the first part of the day. They are from Charlotte, NC and are out on a beginners backpacking adventure, led by sweetpea.

SweetPea and I walked together for quite a while, talking about hiking and hammocking and the AT. She has section hiked over 600 miles of the AT - up into Virginia - and leads hikes 2-3 times a month. It was really interesting to get the perspective of a section hiker - she said "you thru hikers get to do what section hikers *wish* they could do!" - that was a nice perspective.

Ate lunch by a stream. Then hiked a few miles more and meditated for the first time all trip. It felt great to take the time out of the day to center myself.

Called my parents and talked with them for a while on the downhill into Erwin. They are so excited to hear from me, and I love talking with them. Dad is still building his plane. Mom is working working working, disappointment one week and joy the next.

I remember how that feels.

Saw Dragonfly and Onyx - he got sick for 2 days and so they were slackpacking the difference. Good to see them but sorry he had trouble.

The views today were nice. I had a very nice relaxing hike. It was a great reaffirmation that I am doing what I need to be doing.

Old Goat is leaving the trail. He got the hiker virus and thinks he may also have a concussion from some of his falls in the Smokies. (He is falling a lot, even sitting down). Thinks he lost too much weight too fast. His wife is driving from Florida to get him tomorrow. I am sad to see him go - he has been a great encouragement to me and I honestly don't think I could have made it through the first day of the Smokies (up from Fontana) when my ankle was hurting so much without his encouragement.

I talked with OWL about my body wanting to slow down and enjoy the hike, and I think she gets it. She wants to stick together, and so do I. So we'll see how that works out. It is really strange, we have thrown ourselves into this very intimate relationship - almost like being sisters - where before we were just friends. We are having to learn how to communicate with one another - it has it's own learning curve but I think we are getting there.

Day 38: Rice Gap stealth camp to Sam's Gap

3.5 miles

Good news: my tent kept me dry.
Bad news: Peepaw, Rooster, and Rabbit are sick.

I really hate breaking down camp in the rain. I have a waterproof stuff sack for my tent, so a soaking wet tent does not get everything else in my backpack wet, but it is still a disgusting mess. Hiked in the rain and the fog. Of course OWL was ready way before me and left.

For whatever reason I had a really hard time with the hike today. I know the weather has a lot to do with it, but I was just exhausted from the almost 17-mile hike the day before, I was frustrated with not being able to keep up with OWL, and I wanted to go home. Called AWE when I had service and she reminded me that the "Appalachian Trials" book says - if you are considering going home, get off the trail as soon as possible and get into town to relax. So, I did.

I hiked to Sam's Gap, There was trail magic! And the legendary Miss Janet was there, to shuttle the sick boys to Erwin and some others to a hostel in the mountains. I asked if there was room for me in the shuttle, and she said "why don't you go enjoy the breakfast by Quiet Paul, and I'll come back after dropping these guys off to get you".

Quiet Paul has thru hiked twice - once in 2007 (NOBO) and once in 2009 (SOBO). Quite a story - he owned a business, and one of his employees came to him and asked if his job was secure because he wanted to buy a house. Paul said yes - your job is secure - no problem. And then the market tanked and there wasn't any work. So rather than lay people off, Paul took himself off the payroll and hiked the AT. When he got back, they had won a majority of the jobs they had bid and business was great. What a super guy.

He was cooking eggs and hashbrowns, and had sodas, muffins, and chocolate chip cookies. I ate my share, and sat on the hillside as the sun came out. Paul said that there was someone a few days ago who got off the trail and everyone was like, "oh that's so sad!". I almost cried right there, sitting on that hillside in the sun.

When I called AWE, P. (her mom) talked to me for a minute. She said she knew what it was like to be physically weaker and slower than others. But that she was stronger in other ways, and that when she did complete something physical she had a great deal of pride in doing it. Said I was the strongest of anyone in her circle and she knew I could do it, but I had to do it in my own time and she loved me no matter what I decided.

Just when I thought Miss Janet had forgotten about me, she showed back up with Peepaw and Rooster still in tow. She is a true angel of the trail - took us to the outfitters (to pick up maildrops) and then the grocery store and then bp and then the other grocery store and then to the post office and then to the super 8 and finally, to the holiday inn.

I talked with her just a bit. She is going to slackpack me tomorrow so I can stay on track with OWL. When I told her about having trouble keeping up with OWL she said - yeah, doing the AT as a partnership is hard. She asked if I was prepared to do it on my own - I said yes, but I didn't really want to. She said - if you're going to quit make sure you decide to quit on a beautiful day on top of the mountain.

So this I promise: If I decide to quit, I will do it on a beautiful day on top of a mountain.

I felt so much better just talking with her about it. I *hate* being on a tight schedule and feeling like we are so far behind (although, the reason we are behind is because we got stuck in Fontana for 4 days). I am so stressed out every day, wondering if I am going to make it. Knowing how hard I try, OWL is faster at getting ready, faster at walking, faster at everything. I will never be faster. I will always fail.

Except that, I am not failing. I am hiking the Appalachian Trail! I have hiked over 300 miles so far and I am still going. I am stronger every day, even if I don't feel like it going up these hills. I am stubborn. I can do this.

The trail always gives me what I need..

I need to talk with OWL about how my body is telling me to slow down. To take it easy. To enjoy my hike. I want to take breaks during the day instead of eating snacks on the run. I want to meditate every day, like I did at home. I don't want to worry about being behind. I mean, I am on vacation! No one is paying me to be out here.

And so now I sit in the Holiday Inn Express laundry room, waiting my turn.